What's In Your Girl's Pocket?

had a revelation the other day and I have to share it with you! Now, I am by no means a researcher and this information is certainly not clinically proven but I have been witness to it so many times I can't help but share.

When I am working with a girl who is really struggling with her self-esteem, sense of self/identity and/or finding her voice, I like to introduce a project called "My Wall of Strength." Together the girls and I come up with at least 10 things they feel they are really good at or qualities about themselves they are proud of; successes they have had in their life or things that they celebrate. These qualities and characteristics have nothing to do with their physical appearance or material items. For example: I am a good listener for my friends when they need someone to talk to. Or I am curious and I like to try new things. Or I like to help other people in times of need. With approval from the girls, I often ask Mom/Dad to add at least 10 things that follow the same guidelines listed above. Once we have a good sized listed we cut out different colored shapes, write each item on a shape and paste the shape on a large poster board. This art piece is used as a springboard for her to pull strength from, refer to, add to and reflect upon. It gives us the opportunity to discuss that no matter what her circumstance, she carries these strengths, qualities and characteristics with her wherever she goes. It helps make her 'success pocket' a little deeper. So when she is struggling, she can dip into her pocket and pull from past successful experiences that will ultimately help get her through the current challenge at hand.

So what's in your girl's pocket? Read on to find out!

Now here's the revelation! After introducing "My Wall of Strength" project to the girls this is what I ALWAYS hear:

"This is weird, I never talk about myself this way."

"I usually focus on other people and what is good about them, not me."

"It feels funny to describe myself in a positive way."

"It makes me uncomfortable to talk about myself."

"Can we focus on someone else?"

"It's hard to come up with 10. Can we do 1 or 2 instead?"

"I can't think of anything positive to say."

"I have no idea, I need your help."

Does this sound familiar to you? I'm sure it does. These are quite often the very same things we tell ourselves over and over. So why is this important? Because our girls are getting the message loud and clear that says they are not good enough or worthy enough and it is time to give them a different perspective.

Doing this project with the girls has made me realize that many of our girls are armed with very little or NOTHING in their pockets! They have very few things they feel they are successful at, few accomplishments they are celebrating and few qualities or characteristics that they feel good about. Now, we know this is certainly not the truth. But it feels very real to them and therefore it is THEIR truth. When we turn this exercise around and explore the things she doesn't feel so good about....well, of course those flow freely and easily.

Many of the parents I initially speak with have a list of challenges that they are experiencing with their girls. When it comes down to it most parents say, "I just want her to be happy and feel good about herself." I couldn't agree more and in fact I am more committed to this than ever. However, they desperately need our help in filling their pockets. They need to know that it is ok to truly celebrate their successes, that they are worthy of good things and that they are much deeper and beautiful then their physical attributes. They need to hear you celebrate your successes and hear you say positive things about yourself and the people around you. This gives them an idea of how they should treat themselves and interact with their world. And they need this every single day